THAT mom

Weird title for a childless person right? Well, I am not THAT mom. These women are THAT mom

Plus this new one

Y’all, these women? Are freaking CRAZY. As in ‘I need to be put in a padded wall and have all my fillings removed from my teeth so I don’t hear voices anymore. Also, please make sure all shoelaces and zippers are out of my reach’ kind of crazy.

I’m really good at not getting sucked into trashy not so reality shows, but this one has me hook, line and sinker. I get so riled up by these women I can feel my heartrate getting faster and I yell at the TV like men do during sporting events

Seriously, have these women never had commen sense told to them? Their comments, fights and regular statements are completely asinine and it shocks me. I could not even think of dealing with them,

but alas, I am a sucker for their stupidity, drama and their [poor] beautiful little dancing daughters. I’m such a sucker.

I need a post title

Blogger has changed since I’ve last been on. Are they trying to punish me for not visiting more often, even though their friend Mable said her kids visit her every day and take her out to dinner?

I’ve finished school for the summer, and honestly? I’ve been SO lazy. It has been amazing. I’ve become more domesticated by creating a weekly meal plan. Good idea right? We eat out so much, we practically own Taco Bell [and Arby’s], so I thought it would be grand to start meal planning.

I took the idea and ran with it including creating my own meal planning list to put on the fridge. OMG I’M SO EXCITED AT THIS POINT. I have been doing great at it recently, but it hasn’t been real healthy mentally though. I do not know what I am, OCD, creature of habit, whates, but one day the husband woke up late and couldn’t cook before work, and I was working so I couldn’t cook either, and you will NOT believe this.

the husband bought fast food on the way to work

I know, right? THE HORROR!!!

Okay, so not really, for normal people. I’ve never once labeled myself as normal though, so my reaction, was one of irritation and unhappyness. I mean I set out the food for him all he had to do was cook it. Who cares if he needed to leave right.the.heck.now. for work. IT WAS ON THE LIST. ON THE FRIDGE. OMG WHY DON’T WE FOLLOW WHAT THE FRIDGE SAYS? Completely rational right?

So far that has been the only change in the list and thank goodness, because I don’t know if I’ll ever get better at handling change.

In other news, I’ve added to my endless collections of crap things including TOMS calculus shoes, because who doesn’t need math shoes? No one, thats who

I also have new additions to the Enstein category including a new shirt and the TIME magazine “Person of the Century”, how AWESOME is it to be person of the century? Much more awesometastic than bachelor of the year or whatever.

Beginning this Monday is something new and exciting in the world of law enforcement for the husband, but I will not share until it happens. I don’t want to jinx it. Plus school starts in less than 3 weeks! It is my last push until the end, so I am so excited!

Until next time, can anyone tell me how to get music from iTunes onto my Android phone and it actually work? I got it to play an entire album ONCE until it started having issues finding the track. What gives?

Oh Sunday…

My initial post was going to be about Pavlov and pickles, but then Sunday happened. Oh what a joy it was ::insert sarcastic cheesy grin here::

I work at the store on Sunday afternoons and usually its calm and uneventful. Usually.

First thing is first, not within 5 minutes of opening the store I’ve got this guy [who I’m sure is a fan of Jon Gosselin] with his Ed Hardy shirt and completely bleached out Justin Timberlake circa 1999 hair

trying to sell me perfume. Being the polite lady I am, I’ve come up with a fool proof escape plan for perfume sellers. I’m allergic. You know that saying build a something fool proof and you’ll find a better fool? This guy was my fool. He asked if I could drink milk. No kidding. Can I drink milk, um say what?

At this point in time I completely blanked my face and ignored him, but I do remember him saying words like “homogenized” and “its just like milk”. Anyone ever heard of homogenized perfume? I didn’t think so. He finally got my blank stare point and left. But later, I saw him staring down this chick at T-Mobile while she was with a customer.

Dude get the picture, the only perfume we like in this mall is Sex Panther.

This also happened, but it ain’t the first time so PLEASE bear with another PSA. Using your bra not only as an over the shoulder boulder holder, but as your wallet is disgusting. Chicka today had to dig in DEEP to find her cash. I almost threw up all over her. I don’t want your nasty whatever all over cash I’m about to touch. I don’t even know you, and I haven’t even taken you out to dinner at a fancy place like Taco Bell or Wendy’s yet. So please leave that crap for your boyfriend. Or the cop attempting to write you a ticket.

And the winners of Awkward Moment of the Century goes out to a family that I guess shows their love for one another through passive aggressive tones and words. SO AWKWARD. Okay first comes in this husband, wife and who I assume is their daughter. Husband keeps talking about how hopes to wait a few years before having to deal with the announcement cigars and turns and looks a girl.

Remember these things?

 A little strange, but meh. During all this awkward between me and Husband, Girl and Wife are in a little spat until Wife goes, “How long have you been dating my son? A little over a year? Then shut it. I think I know him a little better.” Awkward meter starts to creep up the scales… so then Son comes in. Husband is trying to get a move on and pay for the candy when Son looks him straight in the eye and yells “Hey. shut it.” Ooookay. I’d like to be out of this situation now, but no. It continues. The family starts going over the plan for what the day has in store, and who they’re going to visit while in town. Apparently it was somone’s birthday and they had seen Husband’s mother. Wife looks me straight in the eye and says “We’ve been married for over twenty years and she still thinks I’m a gold-diggin hoe. If I have to deal with her I will lose my sanity.”

At this point in time I’m really wishing I had a jet pack or invisible lotion to just get out of the entire store. Steal the candy for all I care. I can’t handle this anymore.

Then she gives me a creepy look, kind of like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show

and said, “I just love my in-laws.” Y’all, I for real chuckled at her for the plain and simple fact that I could not BELIEVE this random woman just told all of that to a stranger. Who does that?
So thanks Sunday, for permanently making me never want to work another Sunday at the candy store again.

Consider this a PSA

Recently here in SmallTown, USA two punk kids (>18) decided to steal a bunch of things from cars. We’re talking iPads, stereos, purses, computers, phones whatever could be of value in someone’s car ridiculously expensive college books.

So what resulted was a bunch of broken windows and windsheilds in cars right? WRONG. These punk kids only hit cars in a particular complex of ONLY UNLOCKED VEHICLES. Y’all these punk kids would have made bank if they hadn’t been caught. All because of the stupidity of the common citizen.

I’m rude for saying that right? Wrong. Y’all, leaving your car unlocked is basically giving your crap stuff over to criminals. If you don’t care enough to keep your stuff locked and protected, you shouldn’t care enough whether or not it gets stolen. I’m just speaking the truth.

The punk kids? Actually said something along the lines of “Everyone knows if you’re going to steal stuff, go to SmallTown, USA.” That statement right there unfortunately shows that the criminals are smarter than the citizens.

One of Mister’s officer buddies (and mine), we shall call him Biggs, actually saw a car that was still on [key in the ignition] and unlocked sitting in front of a gas station. Its ok, right? Because you can SO TOTALLY SEE YOUR CAR while you’re sitting in the gas station wondering if you want Mountain Dew Pitch Black, or Orange Fanta. TOTALLY LOOKING AT YOUR CAR AT THE TIME. and its definitely okay when you’re talking to the attendant at the cash register, because while you’re shooting the breeze with Earl, you’re TOTALLY LOOKIN AT YOUR CAR AT THE TIME. Well, not so much. You see, Biggs walked completely around the car, opened the driver’s side door and SAT IN THE SEAT. BEHIND THE WHEEL. and homeskillet inside had no idea. All this happened within minutes.

Do you think a criminal won’t do the same? Do you think they won’t do that especially when the vehicle is in a dark area? with little to no lighting? and the owner is nowhere to be found?

Y’all, most of you are taught to believe in the good in humanity. To have faith that people are genuinely good inside. I’m sure some are, but also there are those who prey on the weak, only think of themselves, and will take what they need no matter the consequence. Sorry, but its life.

Please for the love of all that is good and right in this world lock your car door. It takes <.02 seconds to do it, and there is a better chance that your stuff will be untouched the next time you get into your car. And if you don’t lock your door, and your crap stuff gets stolen? Don’t whine about it, because frankly? Its your own damn fault.

Even if you don’t have anything in your car, still lock it. What’s more valuable than the contents of the car? THE EVERLOVING CAR ITSELF. And others like those punk kids will NOT hesitate to steal your car.

You know what I saw today? A city car completely unlocked in a parking lot. Granted, there wasn’t anything that could be stolen inside the car, but you know? The car could still be stolen. Pretty awesome right? Try explaining that to the bossman. Good luck.

I have an addict– collection

If there is anything I know how to do almost as well as math and being anti-social its collect things, and I have quite a few collections of different things.

When I was a wee tyke, my grandparents decided I would collect clowns. Since people have such a strange fear of clowns, perhaps my collection of them helped my anti-social tendencies. No one liked coming to my house. I made fun of them. It was a lovely time.

My love of collecting things never ceased and now? I have the following:

All state quarters I almost started collecting the gold presidential dollars, but I decided doing that would only add to crap collections I don’t need. Plus, I’d freak until I got all of them. I can’t just have a part of it, I need all of them.

Charlie Brown/Peanuts things including stuffed animals, books, puzzles, Monopoly game, a Charlie Brown shirt for ME!

other various Peanuts shirts, I actually did a project on Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs using examples from Peanuts, the 1960s and 1970s DVD collection, calendars, I want the coffee table book collection of all of the comic strips printed in newspapers too.

Einstein things (this collection is currently really small, sad but true)

Posters and puzzles, a shirt of a cookie that would be him, if he were a yellow Oreo, a Wii character [I am not kidding you. According to Wii, he’s a great Mario Kart racer] 🙂 I WILL own a bobblehead doll like the Smithsonain one and he will reside on my desk

SHOES!!!

For realsies I own over 50 pairs of shoes. For realsies I wear ALL 50 pairs of shoes multiple times a year. I get new shoes on a regular basis and wear all my shoes. Funny thing? I love being barefoot. Unfortunately barefoot is not widely accepted in stores and institutions, so I feel like I should have adorable shoes since I am FORCED to wear them. I’m a part of ShoeDazzle, be my friend 🙂

VERA.FREAKING.BRADLEY.

Y’all, this by far is the most terrible [and maybe the most expensive]. I practically own half the company with the amount of VB things its unreal.

My school bags? The Vera Tote. I have 7
My old school bags? 2 Villagers, a regular Tote, and two others that have since been discontinued
My wallets? The past 3 have been Vera
A pen? Why YES! My lovely sister got me one for my birthday [it hates left-handers ::sigh::]
a mixture of TWO of my additions collections?

THESE MIRACULOUS BEAUTIFUL ANGELS MY MOTHER GOT ME [girlfriend knows her daughter well]

And she also got me what EVERY student needs [am I right?]
My mother is ultimately feeding my addiction adding to my collection. And? I don’t mind at all. Actually, I kind of need new bags with the new prints. I TOTALLY NEED THE NEW PRINTS. And maybe the folders too. And maybe the super cute beanies they have during the winter. 
Another collection? Math/Nerd shirts. Its almost as bad as my Vera problem.
Umm I think thats it for shirts. I also have this
Its stealth-nerdy.
And this
Its not stealthy.
Most of all, I collect collections. What good is something if you don’t have EVERYTHING you could possibly have of it? My future kids are going to make billions off of all my crap collectibles.

I need to procrastinate

I have been working more than should be allowed thanks to the amount of school I thought would be good for me. I’ve got 2 problems left tonight for my statistics class, and although I could probably just do them, I refuse until I take a break.
I’m in the process of finishing up a so quick it should already be done shopping list to create a barometer out of a jar [under the Earth Science section], straw and balloon. Why create a barometer? Well, why not?
I apologize for the awkward positioning, Blogger has “revamped” their image positioning stuff and its all sorts of messed up.
I made one back in 4th-5th grade, but thanks to a probably uncaring or forgetful teacher or the fact that rain only falls during the apocalypse ’round these parts we never got the chance to watch it work. We still don’t have a need for one due to the lack of rain, but I have pickle jars that need to be used for something.
Also? That treasure trove of different experiements and lessons on just his website alone [not including all the once I’ve thought of myself, or get from other sources]? YES PLEASE! I want to do them all. In fact, I might do a few of them when I have a month off from school in August. Just more proof that shows I should probably get at least a minor in science just because I love it. Going to school because you love it? True signs of an awesome student teacher.
P.S. you should totally be friends with Bill Nye on Facebook. I love that bow-tied guy. He’s freaking awesome.
Ohhh hey, speaking of wasting time on things you shouldn’t be doing because you have other work that needs to be done, check out Hidato puzzles. You’re welcome.

Holy high-five

Have I mentioned I love math?

Have I mentioned I want to teach math?

Have I mentioned to you my summer school schedule? Its ridiculous. The May-mester I’m in now is daily for 4 hours with pages of written homework to do each night. Stab me with a lead-filled pencil. I’ve only been in the class for 4 days. I still have a week and a half left and then? Then? I have 2 classes in June. Class from 8-4:30 each day. I’m a glutton for punishment right? That doesn’t even take into consideration my July class, 6 Fall classes, 6 Spring classes and another May class next year. Its tough. It really is.

Right now, I just want to have a break, I’m tired of pushing myself like this, I can feel myself getting burned out, but I can’t stop. The faster I get through this, the faster I get to do what I want. What I love. Teach math. Hopefully teach students to know, understand and even love math like I do. Wouldn’t that be amazing? I think it would be.

Next year is my last. Its my finish line, and I can’t wait. But right now? I’m getting burned out. When this happens though, I get these awesome little teasers. Like tutoring a 5th grader. That’s ultimately the step below teaching an entire gaggle of students. It starts in June and it’ll be amazing. I want to make it amazing not only for me, but for the student. Its my first arm’s reach opportunity to doing what I want. That teaser came to me over a month ago though, and recently, its seeped out of my inner-motivational hub and doesn’t give me that caffeinated shot of adrenaline to power through the hard times.

But tonight? I got another shot. Someone else wants me to tutor their student. It isn’t entirely set yet, but its more on the yes side than the no. Y’all its another one. These people believe in me. They have faith in my ability to help their kids. They’re giving me a chance to get a sweet, sweet taste of what I’m waiting for. So why the post title? These little teasers, these chances I’m getting? Are like little high-fives from Jesus. They’re like small little pep talks from the man upstairs telling me all my hard work, my workload, and the stress is all worth it because I’m doing what I should be doing. And that? is pretty awesome.

Talk about the ultimate motivation. It can’t be better than this until I’m in my own classroom surrounded by my students, cheesy math posters plastered all over the wall, and the ultimate of ultimates

My talking Einstein bobblehead doll on my desk

I’m so close y’all. The finish line is visible and I’m sprinting towards it.

A hell of a sell

I won’t deny it. I live in the south. With the south, comes accents and this town isn’t without its own.

My parents would laugh when I was an angsty high school cheerleader, and as a squad we would spell the word touchdown during football games. Close your eyes, and pretend like you’re going into a flashback with those chimey transitional sounds. Here’s how we sounded:

T-O-U-C-H-D-O-DUBYA-N!!! We said it loud. We said it proud. We said it with twang. Professor Henry Higgins would roll in his grave.

We had some big storms over the past month, who hasn’t and Mother Nature was on some serious mood swings and PMSing like her crazy aunt was coming to visit her soon.

Wouldn’t you hate to be known as the “period lady” for the rest of your life? This woman will have a lagacy.



Those storms came with wind [because we don’t already get enough of it] and hail. Like ambulance chasing lawyers, roof repair flyers were strewn about the entire city as if it were being re-wallpapered, paintles dent repair car places popped up like those little gopher guys in that one game

and more hilariously, the local car dealerships started their commercials about hail sales of just barely damaged cars. Or thanks to the good ol’ southern twang we have around these parts, hell sells. Listening, I can’t help but laugh. I wonder what people from out of town and state think when they hear this. Are they able to figure out exactly what announcer guy is talking about, or do they think it is Satan’s own personal business with a witty business name to match his style and product.

Outsiders are in luck though, those that need translations can get the newest edition of Rosetta Stone coming soon to a store near you!

100th Post!

I have officially made it to triple digit blog posts, and what better to talk about but the lack of patience I have at the end of the semester!

This week is finals week and being the freak over-achiever I am, I am DYING to know what I made in my classes. I think I’ve got a total of 4 A’s and 2 B’s but it won’t be legit until teacherfolks post their final grades. Which aren’t due until MAY 17TH. OMG its taking FOREVER.

How am I supposed to relax during my [one-day] vacation without knowing my grades. HOW.

I’m kicking off my “vacation” with a ride along. Hopefully fantasitcal awesome stories of morons, idiots, the bottom percentile of what are considered human beings criminals who think that doing stupid and illegal things are a good idea will be coming soon.

The world’s next great mind

is not currently wasting away at the local 7-11 here. I promise.

This past Saturday, I went to the local gas station to grab a Pepsi before work started, because I’m an addict it is muy delicioso

When I get up to the register, the cashier dude spots my university ID and says “Hey do you go there?”
O_O
Obviously my initial response was, “Well no, I just really wanted to get in on the free upgrade to a large popcorn at the local movie theatre, so I just made a fake one”
I was nice, and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt said “Yep”. Short. Sweet. To the point. The point being, I wasn’t interested in carrying on a random conversation about my life with some random guy at a gas station.
He wouldn’t just take “Yep” though, and let me preface this next part by showing you the shirt I was wearing that day

Even someone not tuned in to the awesomeness of Pythagoras’ work would know that is a math shirt. It says Math Team on the shirt and the debonare homie on there is holding a protractor for freaking sake.

So, the next intelligent question out of his mouth “What are you majoring in?”

Again, the obvious answer I wanted to say was “Subtlety.” You know, because what person in their right mind would wear a shirt like that if they kind of weren’t a slight fan of math. Really? REALLY?

Again, being nice and seriously wanting to just pay for my drink and leave I answered the guy, paid and left, feeling a little less faith in humanity. Drugs kill, mushrooms trip, and sniffing paint thinner will never help, but hurt.

I just wanted a Pepsi