My initial post was going to be about Pavlov and pickles, but then Sunday happened. Oh what a joy it was ::insert sarcastic cheesy grin here::
I work at the store on Sunday afternoons and usually its calm and uneventful. Usually.
First thing is first, not within 5 minutes of opening the store I’ve got this guy [who I’m sure is a fan of Jon Gosselin] with his Ed Hardy shirt and completely bleached out Justin Timberlake circa 1999 hair
trying to sell me perfume. Being the polite lady I am, I’ve come up with a fool proof escape plan for perfume sellers. I’m allergic. You know that saying build a something fool proof and you’ll find a better fool? This guy was my fool. He asked if I could drink milk. No kidding. Can I drink milk, um say what?
At this point in time I completely blanked my face and ignored him, but I do remember him saying words like “homogenized” and “its just like milk”. Anyone ever heard of homogenized perfume? I didn’t think so. He finally got my blank stare point and left. But later, I saw him staring down this chick at T-Mobile while she was with a customer.
Dude get the picture, the only perfume we like in this mall is Sex Panther.
This also happened, but it ain’t the first time so PLEASE bear with another PSA. Using your bra not only as an over the shoulder boulder holder, but as your wallet is disgusting. Chicka today had to dig in DEEP to find her cash. I almost threw up all over her. I don’t want your nasty whatever all over cash I’m about to touch. I don’t even know you, and I haven’t even taken you out to dinner at a fancy place like Taco Bell or Wendy’s yet. So please leave that crap for your boyfriend. Or the cop attempting to write you a ticket.
And the winners of Awkward Moment of the Century goes out to a family that I guess shows their love for one another through passive aggressive tones and words. SO AWKWARD. Okay first comes in this husband, wife and who I assume is their daughter. Husband keeps talking about how hopes to wait a few years before having to deal with the announcement cigars and turns and looks a girl.
A little strange, but meh. During all this awkward between me and Husband, Girl and Wife are in a little spat until Wife goes, “How long have you been dating my son? A little over a year? Then shut it. I think I know him a little better.” Awkward meter starts to creep up the scales… so then Son comes in. Husband is trying to get a move on and pay for the candy when Son looks him straight in the eye and yells “Hey. shut it.” Ooookay. I’d like to be out of this situation now, but no. It continues. The family starts going over the plan for what the day has in store, and who they’re going to visit while in town. Apparently it was somone’s birthday and they had seen Husband’s mother. Wife looks me straight in the eye and says “We’ve been married for over twenty years and she still thinks I’m a gold-diggin hoe. If I have to deal with her I will lose my sanity.”
At this point in time I’m really wishing I had a jet pack or invisible lotion to just get out of the entire store. Steal the candy for all I care. I can’t handle this anymore.
Then she gives me a creepy look, kind of like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show