Oh Sunday…

My initial post was going to be about Pavlov and pickles, but then Sunday happened. Oh what a joy it was ::insert sarcastic cheesy grin here::

I work at the store on Sunday afternoons and usually its calm and uneventful. Usually.

First thing is first, not within 5 minutes of opening the store I’ve got this guy [who I’m sure is a fan of Jon Gosselin] with his Ed Hardy shirt and completely bleached out Justin Timberlake circa 1999 hair

trying to sell me perfume. Being the polite lady I am, I’ve come up with a fool proof escape plan for perfume sellers. I’m allergic. You know that saying build a something fool proof and you’ll find a better fool? This guy was my fool. He asked if I could drink milk. No kidding. Can I drink milk, um say what?

At this point in time I completely blanked my face and ignored him, but I do remember him saying words like “homogenized” and “its just like milk”. Anyone ever heard of homogenized perfume? I didn’t think so. He finally got my blank stare point and left. But later, I saw him staring down this chick at T-Mobile while she was with a customer.

Dude get the picture, the only perfume we like in this mall is Sex Panther.

This also happened, but it ain’t the first time so PLEASE bear with another PSA. Using your bra not only as an over the shoulder boulder holder, but as your wallet is disgusting. Chicka today had to dig in DEEP to find her cash. I almost threw up all over her. I don’t want your nasty whatever all over cash I’m about to touch. I don’t even know you, and I haven’t even taken you out to dinner at a fancy place like Taco Bell or Wendy’s yet. So please leave that crap for your boyfriend. Or the cop attempting to write you a ticket.

And the winners of Awkward Moment of the Century goes out to a family that I guess shows their love for one another through passive aggressive tones and words. SO AWKWARD. Okay first comes in this husband, wife and who I assume is their daughter. Husband keeps talking about how hopes to wait a few years before having to deal with the announcement cigars and turns and looks a girl.

Remember these things?

 A little strange, but meh. During all this awkward between me and Husband, Girl and Wife are in a little spat until Wife goes, “How long have you been dating my son? A little over a year? Then shut it. I think I know him a little better.” Awkward meter starts to creep up the scales… so then Son comes in. Husband is trying to get a move on and pay for the candy when Son looks him straight in the eye and yells “Hey. shut it.” Ooookay. I’d like to be out of this situation now, but no. It continues. The family starts going over the plan for what the day has in store, and who they’re going to visit while in town. Apparently it was somone’s birthday and they had seen Husband’s mother. Wife looks me straight in the eye and says “We’ve been married for over twenty years and she still thinks I’m a gold-diggin hoe. If I have to deal with her I will lose my sanity.”

At this point in time I’m really wishing I had a jet pack or invisible lotion to just get out of the entire store. Steal the candy for all I care. I can’t handle this anymore.

Then she gives me a creepy look, kind of like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show

and said, “I just love my in-laws.” Y’all, I for real chuckled at her for the plain and simple fact that I could not BELIEVE this random woman just told all of that to a stranger. Who does that?
So thanks Sunday, for permanently making me never want to work another Sunday at the candy store again.

Consider this a PSA

Recently here in SmallTown, USA two punk kids (>18) decided to steal a bunch of things from cars. We’re talking iPads, stereos, purses, computers, phones whatever could be of value in someone’s car ridiculously expensive college books.

So what resulted was a bunch of broken windows and windsheilds in cars right? WRONG. These punk kids only hit cars in a particular complex of ONLY UNLOCKED VEHICLES. Y’all these punk kids would have made bank if they hadn’t been caught. All because of the stupidity of the common citizen.

I’m rude for saying that right? Wrong. Y’all, leaving your car unlocked is basically giving your crap stuff over to criminals. If you don’t care enough to keep your stuff locked and protected, you shouldn’t care enough whether or not it gets stolen. I’m just speaking the truth.

The punk kids? Actually said something along the lines of “Everyone knows if you’re going to steal stuff, go to SmallTown, USA.” That statement right there unfortunately shows that the criminals are smarter than the citizens.

One of Mister’s officer buddies (and mine), we shall call him Biggs, actually saw a car that was still on [key in the ignition] and unlocked sitting in front of a gas station. Its ok, right? Because you can SO TOTALLY SEE YOUR CAR while you’re sitting in the gas station wondering if you want Mountain Dew Pitch Black, or Orange Fanta. TOTALLY LOOKING AT YOUR CAR AT THE TIME. and its definitely okay when you’re talking to the attendant at the cash register, because while you’re shooting the breeze with Earl, you’re TOTALLY LOOKIN AT YOUR CAR AT THE TIME. Well, not so much. You see, Biggs walked completely around the car, opened the driver’s side door and SAT IN THE SEAT. BEHIND THE WHEEL. and homeskillet inside had no idea. All this happened within minutes.

Do you think a criminal won’t do the same? Do you think they won’t do that especially when the vehicle is in a dark area? with little to no lighting? and the owner is nowhere to be found?

Y’all, most of you are taught to believe in the good in humanity. To have faith that people are genuinely good inside. I’m sure some are, but also there are those who prey on the weak, only think of themselves, and will take what they need no matter the consequence. Sorry, but its life.

Please for the love of all that is good and right in this world lock your car door. It takes <.02 seconds to do it, and there is a better chance that your stuff will be untouched the next time you get into your car. And if you don’t lock your door, and your crap stuff gets stolen? Don’t whine about it, because frankly? Its your own damn fault.

Even if you don’t have anything in your car, still lock it. What’s more valuable than the contents of the car? THE EVERLOVING CAR ITSELF. And others like those punk kids will NOT hesitate to steal your car.

You know what I saw today? A city car completely unlocked in a parking lot. Granted, there wasn’t anything that could be stolen inside the car, but you know? The car could still be stolen. Pretty awesome right? Try explaining that to the bossman. Good luck.

I have an addict– collection

If there is anything I know how to do almost as well as math and being anti-social its collect things, and I have quite a few collections of different things.

When I was a wee tyke, my grandparents decided I would collect clowns. Since people have such a strange fear of clowns, perhaps my collection of them helped my anti-social tendencies. No one liked coming to my house. I made fun of them. It was a lovely time.

My love of collecting things never ceased and now? I have the following:

All state quarters I almost started collecting the gold presidential dollars, but I decided doing that would only add to crap collections I don’t need. Plus, I’d freak until I got all of them. I can’t just have a part of it, I need all of them.

Charlie Brown/Peanuts things including stuffed animals, books, puzzles, Monopoly game, a Charlie Brown shirt for ME!

other various Peanuts shirts, I actually did a project on Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs using examples from Peanuts, the 1960s and 1970s DVD collection, calendars, I want the coffee table book collection of all of the comic strips printed in newspapers too.

Einstein things (this collection is currently really small, sad but true)

Posters and puzzles, a shirt of a cookie that would be him, if he were a yellow Oreo, a Wii character [I am not kidding you. According to Wii, he’s a great Mario Kart racer] 🙂 I WILL own a bobblehead doll like the Smithsonain one and he will reside on my desk

SHOES!!!

For realsies I own over 50 pairs of shoes. For realsies I wear ALL 50 pairs of shoes multiple times a year. I get new shoes on a regular basis and wear all my shoes. Funny thing? I love being barefoot. Unfortunately barefoot is not widely accepted in stores and institutions, so I feel like I should have adorable shoes since I am FORCED to wear them. I’m a part of ShoeDazzle, be my friend 🙂

VERA.FREAKING.BRADLEY.

Y’all, this by far is the most terrible [and maybe the most expensive]. I practically own half the company with the amount of VB things its unreal.

My school bags? The Vera Tote. I have 7
My old school bags? 2 Villagers, a regular Tote, and two others that have since been discontinued
My wallets? The past 3 have been Vera
A pen? Why YES! My lovely sister got me one for my birthday [it hates left-handers ::sigh::]
a mixture of TWO of my additions collections?

THESE MIRACULOUS BEAUTIFUL ANGELS MY MOTHER GOT ME [girlfriend knows her daughter well]

And she also got me what EVERY student needs [am I right?]
My mother is ultimately feeding my addiction adding to my collection. And? I don’t mind at all. Actually, I kind of need new bags with the new prints. I TOTALLY NEED THE NEW PRINTS. And maybe the folders too. And maybe the super cute beanies they have during the winter. 
Another collection? Math/Nerd shirts. Its almost as bad as my Vera problem.
Umm I think thats it for shirts. I also have this
Its stealth-nerdy.
And this
Its not stealthy.
Most of all, I collect collections. What good is something if you don’t have EVERYTHING you could possibly have of it? My future kids are going to make billions off of all my crap collectibles.

I need to procrastinate

I have been working more than should be allowed thanks to the amount of school I thought would be good for me. I’ve got 2 problems left tonight for my statistics class, and although I could probably just do them, I refuse until I take a break.
I’m in the process of finishing up a so quick it should already be done shopping list to create a barometer out of a jar [under the Earth Science section], straw and balloon. Why create a barometer? Well, why not?
I apologize for the awkward positioning, Blogger has “revamped” their image positioning stuff and its all sorts of messed up.
I made one back in 4th-5th grade, but thanks to a probably uncaring or forgetful teacher or the fact that rain only falls during the apocalypse ’round these parts we never got the chance to watch it work. We still don’t have a need for one due to the lack of rain, but I have pickle jars that need to be used for something.
Also? That treasure trove of different experiements and lessons on just his website alone [not including all the once I’ve thought of myself, or get from other sources]? YES PLEASE! I want to do them all. In fact, I might do a few of them when I have a month off from school in August. Just more proof that shows I should probably get at least a minor in science just because I love it. Going to school because you love it? True signs of an awesome student teacher.
P.S. you should totally be friends with Bill Nye on Facebook. I love that bow-tied guy. He’s freaking awesome.
Ohhh hey, speaking of wasting time on things you shouldn’t be doing because you have other work that needs to be done, check out Hidato puzzles. You’re welcome.