You’re Welcome San Antonio

I had the most AMAZING opportunity to head to Ol’ San Antone to meet an AWESOME person who we’ll name Marcie after one of my fav cartoons Peanuts

Giselle and I went down there to see her and it couldn’t have been a better time. We didn’t stalk any random strangers like last time, but we did harass a waiter which was just as hysterical. Dear Josh, we appreciate your patience with us, your experience is proof as to why we should never be allowed in public together.

Let me try to explain from the somewhat beginning. G and I came dressed to the nines in the southern way complete with curls, dresses and boots. In the city, they have vents on the sidewalks for whatever reason and we purposly detoured around them originally because we knew what would happen to a dress over a vent thanks to the ever loved and missed and the only woman I’d ever feel competition against with the husband.

Look at her! And she was a size NINE folks! NINE! Not the square root of -2,736 like most beautiful girls today!

Carrying on! We took a boat ride on the river which was all kinds of excitement ::rolls eyes::

The guide had an annoying tone, and kept going on about flood gates which ALL TOURISTS are interested in I’m sure. We tried to talk on the ride, but two old folks called us “Girls” and asked to be quiet so they could hear the woman.

Somone was listening to her? For cereal? Yes. And they took random pictures of whatever the woman talked about. Flood gates? Got pictures of them. A random tree? Got pictures of it. Had to take a bathroom brake? Got pictures of the turd.

After the titillating experience of the boat ride, G and I took Marcie to eat steak, because all good people eat steak [good steak] in Texas. We just do. So we took her to eat and met HER SOULMATE, our waiter Josh or Jeff?. He got to know all of us by what we ate, but he learned about Marcie especially. If he had lit the candle [like M had asked!!!] I really think fireworks would have flown. He tried to liquor us up and get us dessert too, but we had to decline. Honestly, it was because the candle wasn’t lit. When we got the check, Giselle LOVED the pen, so she switched it for one she had and thanked him for the pen on the receipt. Marcie drew a candle to remind poor Josh of what might have been. I didn’t have anything else to give but a red kiss 😉

It really got good back at M’s room. Take a look

Like all Klassy women in Texas, we flashed the town from the 25th floor of the hotel, and didn’t actually lift our dresses to show our “Britney Spears” or “Paris Hilton’s” or “Peter Griffin’s”

Let us all collectively say “EWWWWW” for a minute.


After we were done NOT giving the town an eyeful, we all got into bed together like any good women do.

We left Marcie that evening so she could get ready to kick they next day’s ass with her gay lover Jeff or Josh? and started our way back to our own hotel. One thing I have ALWAYS loved about this city is its emphasis on walking around downtown. I parked when we first got to the hotel, and didn’t drive again until we left. I love it. I love to be within walking distance of things instead of driving all of the time. LOVE.IT. Anywho, we began walking back to our hotel, minding our own hilarious beeswax when yours truley became cocky and decided to show dominance over a street vent. Can you guess what happened? CAN YOU GUESS?

I flashed a guy who just knew was going to happen and waited patiently. OMG.FOR.CEREAL. We both got a good laugh out of my misfortune and while we were still walking guess what happened to Giselle. GUESS!!!

OHH.EMM.GEE.FOR.CEREAL. Both with our large amounts of Klass and ability to learn from our mistakes flashed folks in San Antonio. YOU’RE WELCOME EVERYBODY!

Thankfully, after those two incidents, we managed a less exciting night and trip home the next day, but OMG showing the bits was more than enough for the both of us.

Are you tired of seeing Marilyn’s box, because I’m tired of posting it, and honestly? I hope I actually learn from our mistake MISTAKES and not repeat again.

I would, however, LOVE to repeat our visit with Marcie again. Dear Marcie, we need you here. Josh is crying and lighting all candles he can find. Please move here. The weather’s nice and so are we. You can sleep in my bed with me.




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