PSA: Let Me Tell You How To Talk To Your Kids

Hello dear viewers,

Please pull out your notebooks and pens this evening, we’re going to go over a very important topic for parents by a non-parent. Go ahead, roll your eyes now

Trust me though, this is very important, and I think you’ll get a chuckle out of it.

Any who, this happened a month or two ago at the store. CoCo and I were innocently doing random candy experiments working when this woman came in with her 4ish year old daughter. Being as excited as a kid in the candy store

and her mom was trying to “fake threat” her into behaving. Remember my warning about fake threats and your kid turing into the next Kim Jong Il? Well this one may not have frightened the kid to do good, but it has forever opened a spot for me in the insane asylum for the terror it has brought on to me.

Instead of telling her little girl she wouldn’t get her candy, or she’d have to work at the store to pay her debt off, she said the following:
CrazyMother: Look here Angelina Jolie, if you don’t stop running around and trying to get into all the candy bins, these nice ladies are going to eat you

Disclaimer: All real names in this reenactment were changed for the safety of the pygmy elephants and their families

CoCo and I looked at each other. OMG Y’ALL the woman told her daughter that some random stranger chicks were going to EAT HER. E.A.T. H.E.R.

Y’all. Seriously. Who says that to a child? Of all things to fake threat with, I never thought I’d hear cannibalism and I never thought, as a stranger to the threatened party, I’d be the cannibal. As the woman was paying for her candy, she tried to make matters worse better by explaining to us that this little girl’s aunt is pregnant and that is how she explained the baby inside the mommy’s tummy. OH.MY.GOD. WOMAN! YOU TOLD YOUR DAUGHTER SHE WAS BORN BY YOU EATING HER? At that minute I knew I had to play along because I was on Candid Camera or something. ARE YOU CEREAL? ARE YOU SUPER DUPER CEREAL?

So I plead to all of you with wee little ankle biters. Please for the love of all that is holy and right with Arthur Fonzerelli do not tell your children you ate them when they were infants and PLEASE do not tell them that random people in stores will eat them if they don’t behave. I never back down from a promise, and that old broad from Hansel and Gretel told me the meat tastes like chicken…

Some Math Things

Last week, on Monday, we went road trippin’ to visit some family members and I was too lazy to drive I made the Mister drive so I could do some homework. While juggling between my book, my notebooks, my super cool freaking awesome eraser and my ridiculously good looking pink graphing calculator, I discovered my entire car that my lap could not hold and organize the amount of stuff. That when when I made the best discovery since my dear sweet Albie Einstein’s theory of relativity [yes I totally know him well enough to give him a nickname, we’re practically BFFs. I follow him on twitter] my calculator fits perfectly in the handle part of the door. ITS DESTINY!!! Chevy should market that. From now on, I’m only buying vehicles that come equipped with a GCHC [graphing calculator holding compartment]

Those of you with kids, you’ll love this story. Its a tale of sibling love and affection brewing through the rugged perils of mathematics, calculus to be specific. We siblings do love each other, but only when battling fierce opponents like homework or zombie rockstars trying to eat our brains.

A few days before my breakthrough discovery, I was diligently working on some calculus homework. I was whizzing through it like a champ when BAM I hit a brick wall on the last problem. I stared at this thing for at least an hour.

I tweaked, I multiplied, I cancelled out. I thought for sure this specific question was laughing in my face because of the effort I was putting in to figure it out. I wrote the problem on a post it note, snapped a pic on my phone and sent it to three different people, my brother, CoCo and Giselle. THREE!!! I was NOT going to let this problem beat me up and steal my lunch money. I was DEFIANT!!! I wrote every step I did on a post it note, snapped another picture and send it off.

I was so perplexed. After I had finished talking to someone else, about something other than math BLASPHEMY!, I looked at my phone hoping I would have a message. I DID! It was from my brother, it said “check your voicemail” I had forgotten about such an easy trick, I’d say its downright embarrassing, but honestly, it happens a lot when in higher level classes [I’m not saying calculus is a higher level], we forget the most simplest things that we learned in grade school.

They SHARE a denominator. SPLIT THEM UP!!! AUGH!!!

Needless to say, even in our adult years we can always count on big brothers! I got my work back two days ago. I made a 100 on that homework assignment 🙂
I also have a fun game with subtraction I’ll put up in a day or two. I promise I’ll do this more often, I just have a HUGE presentation coming up and my partner is, well, I’m doing all the work to hopefully keep my goal continuing on with straight A’s this semester. Until then,
Peace out boy scout! [or girl scout!]

It has been forever, I apologize, but school apparently thinks it is more important than my internets world. they’re wrong. I haven’t had a lot of homework, I’ve just been exhausted by the time I get home because I’m too old to handle campus life

I’m actually quite boring right now though.


What should I write about? I nead ideas!!!