Help me Tom Cruise! Help me Oprah Winfrey!

We will have to get back to our regularly scheduled program after I freak out for just a minute.

School starts this coming Monday. DID YOU HEAR? THIS COMING MONDAY

OMG Sweet Baby Jesus in a manger I am freaking out. A lot. Please understand, I am a creature of habit. Its how I do things. I don’t like surprises, I don’t like not being fully aware as to what I am doing. Plus, I dislike large crowds. A lot of people = automatic freak out. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

Today I had to go up to the university to pick up my parking pass [which I already don’t like. I don’t want stickers on my pretty car, but I digress] and you wouldn’t believe what I saw…

People… were AT the university… just walking around… like it was a SCHOOL

Yes y’all. I am super duper cereal. The people were too much to handle. It caused a minor freak out of shopping for a new white coat with really long arms that latch in the back wanting to immediately turn around leave the premises and drop all my classes. OhMiGosh how am I going to do this? The anticipation continues… stay tuned for next week’s follow up.

To try and keep on with my life. I want to finish my cop stories, so lettuce begin.

I can’t actually go into detail about Mister’s frolics with criminals so this next story will be kind of short.

The End.

Ha! I kid I kid šŸ™‚
Husband was dealing with a less than honorable person of society. This less than honorable person was causing issues, not listening and refusing what he was told to do. He made a motion as if he was going to try and run, but the genius guy ran right towards the mister. Doing only what he was taught by commercials for WWE wrestling shows trained to do, Husband ran right towards this guy and laid.him.out. with a freaking sweet clothesline. I hear his technique was that of a Roman God or some random man in a mask and leather pants. It was all he talked about to everyone he knew for days which meant I heard the story multiple times every day. He is still so very proud of his clothesline that took a guy clear off his feet.
The next story will be short as well, in case any unwanted eyes gaze upon this place and recognize exactly who I’m referencing.
I used to have this friend, one night this friend and her husband had a party and the Mister was dispatched to answer a noise violation against said party. Mister had already decided he was just going to give them a warning and be on his happy little way; had the guy been a respectful, courteous citizen. Instead, in a drunken stupor or most likely he was just naturally that stupid he decided to be an ass and give the PD hell. Words were said, friend came out and freaked out then promptly ran back inside, and in the end this guy got of LUCKY and was sent back into his apartment to disband the party immediately instead of getting a new sparkly set of bracelets and a nights’ stay in less than comfortable accomodations. [Let me pause for a minute to say, yes the guy should have been arrested, but Husband was in a bad mood that night and feared his arrest of the guy would be for the P.O.P. offense aka “pissing off the police” so he let him go. He did not let him go because he was married to someone we knew.] I heard the entire ordeal the next day and gasped and laughed in disbelief about their actions/attitude. Just for giggles, I checked my Facebook account and BAM homegirl deleted me as a friend

they got off amazingly well for their offenses and she still deleted me as a friend. For.freaking.cereal. It makes me laugh. I hope to see her one day and just smile and wave so she feels just slightly uncomfortable for her being such a bitch and her husband being such a douchebag. I hope they feel like asses LOLz.

Lastly is a most hysterical story starring yours truly. The awesomeness only happened yesterday so its still “fresh”

We were at the gun range yesterday with one of the other officers zeroing rifles and practicing our kill shots

Let me preface this story by telling you I have a very high allergy to mosquito bites. They swell up bigger than a quarter, sometimes as wide as a ping pong ball. Its not too bad, unless I get bit on my head and then it looks like I should wear a helmet at all times to not hurt myself. I’ve never been stung by anything of the insect persuasion, but I’d like to not experience that incase I’m allergic to them as well.

So we were out at the range, which is out in the open, one with nature. Hot, 100*, cloudless, windless, Texas summer nature. There are yellow jackets and hornets flying all.over.the.place. Well I guess I was smelling particularly pretty because one picked up on me and started flying towards me. I.FREAK.OUT. and start sprinting and screaming. Husband and Buddy look up and ask what I’m doing. I shouted the first thing that came to mind.

I’M RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE PATTERN. SERPENTINE PATTERN!!!

It gets better.

I wasn’t running in a serpentine pattern, I was running in a circle. I finally got away from the flying death trap or it decided it didn’t want to mess with crazy. I did it ONE MORE TIME after that while we were walking to the car. Again, I started screaming “serpentine pattern”, but this time I didn’t run in a circle, I ran like a drunk with a broken compass. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on running in a serpentine pattern, while yelling serpentin pattern, and running because something is chasing you? Its hard. Real hard.

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