Is anyone still surprised obesity is such a problem?

State Fair’s “Best Taste & Most Creative” [both are very much arguable. They must be using the phrases loosly]

To not beat around the bush and force you to leave my glorious corner of the internets:

Copied exactly as it reads on the website

The finalists for the 2010 Big Tex Choice Awards are:

Deep Fried S’mores Pop•Tart®
Fried Chocolate
Deep Fried Frozen Margarita
Fried Lemonade
Fernie’s Fried Club Salad
Texas Fried Caviar
Fried Beer™ Texas
Fried Frito® Pie

Y’all, really? REALLY?

Say hello to the future of Americans y’all

There is a lot I could say on this issue, but if I start I’ll never stop, so I won’t get started at all.

Stick Figure School Days!

Hello, hello and welcome to another segment of Stick Figure Today: School Days
I have survived the first few days of school and wanted to share with you all by way of my high artistic ability [LOLz yea right]

Of course with all new things, bright and early at 7:50am while standing in the hall, I was absolutely terrified that I was in the wrong place. I was sure of it, and I knew JUST KNEW that the teacher would yell at me for being in the wrong place and make me cry. [FYI: I was in the right place] This is an artist rendering of what I probably looked like standing there waiting:

Once the door opened and we went into the room, I wanted to immerse myself in the middle of the class so it’d be easier to be sociable and make friends. Little did I know, left-handed people are frowned upon to make friends apparently.

AND! There was actually only one left-handed desk. Only one of ‘our kind’ are allowed in the room at a time I guess. I felt like I was already being singled out.
I could not wait for my next class. Cal 1 OMG YAY MATH!!! And! They had full desks. We.are.equal.! Wrong, I don’t know if the entire semester is going to be like this, but if it is I don’t know if I’ll be very stressed about passing…

Next was my “class for math education” or what I lovingly call my Math Teacher class. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I definetly wasn’t expecting what happened. Again, we had full desks. Proof that math is magical.
The second day, I’m feeling good. Feeling AWESOME. Until I go into my Soci class. EPIC FAIL
LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE!!! Ugh, I was so let down. Why don’t all the classrooms have full desks? WHY? WHAT IS THE REASONING? ::deep breath::
Moving on to my science class, again I was so excited. I love science almost as much as math. YAY FOR AN AWESOME CLASS. Until some dude sat behind me.
No scientific thoughts or ideas ran through my mind, only this. Over and over and over and over again. If only…

Hopefully he won’t sit behind me anymore. As for the desk situation, I’ve decided to start a union for left-handed people. We’re going to fight against our right-handed oppressor and come out on top. BEWARE OF THE SOUTH PAWS! WE’RE HERE TO KICK YOUR REAR!

I’m Still Alive

I’ve survived my first day of school at the big kid university! This calls for a celebration dance!
I will be back either tonight or tomorrow for another chapter of of Stick Figure Today so stay tuned! For now, I have to jet to get stuff done.
Do you see I fixed my background? Made personally by moi, its really simple and maybe the next one will be a little more complex, but for now I think it’ll do!

Oh My God, What Have I Done?

Thanks to an allergy induced headache waking me up at 5:05 this morning, I’ve been up working on a new background for the ol’ bloggy blog for oh about all of eternity 6 hours. I designed the dang thing myself, and thought that would be the most difficult part of this entire ordeal. Apparently I was wrong, so I am calling on y’all to help [hopefully one of you can!]

Here are my current issues

[Edited to Add: I fixed this part by going back to the “Minima” layout from ’04. If you have any other way, let me know. I’ve tinkered with the new template editor thing, no dice.] There’s a transparent white over my background with a shadow looking box around the body of the blog. What is that? I don’t want it.

My entire blog is off-centered [if you couldn’t already tell]. The body as well as the column and header are all weird and stuff and it bothers me. A lot.

So PLEASE I am down on my knees BEGGING!!! Someone HELP!!!

Help me Tom Cruise! Help me Oprah Winfrey!

We will have to get back to our regularly scheduled program after I freak out for just a minute.

School starts this coming Monday. DID YOU HEAR? THIS COMING MONDAY

OMG Sweet Baby Jesus in a manger I am freaking out. A lot. Please understand, I am a creature of habit. Its how I do things. I don’t like surprises, I don’t like not being fully aware as to what I am doing. Plus, I dislike large crowds. A lot of people = automatic freak out. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

Today I had to go up to the university to pick up my parking pass [which I already don’t like. I don’t want stickers on my pretty car, but I digress] and you wouldn’t believe what I saw…

People… were AT the university… just walking around… like it was a SCHOOL

Yes y’all. I am super duper cereal. The people were too much to handle. It caused a minor freak out of shopping for a new white coat with really long arms that latch in the back wanting to immediately turn around leave the premises and drop all my classes. OhMiGosh how am I going to do this? The anticipation continues… stay tuned for next week’s follow up.

To try and keep on with my life. I want to finish my cop stories, so lettuce begin.

I can’t actually go into detail about Mister’s frolics with criminals so this next story will be kind of short.

The End.

Ha! I kid I kid 🙂
Husband was dealing with a less than honorable person of society. This less than honorable person was causing issues, not listening and refusing what he was told to do. He made a motion as if he was going to try and run, but the genius guy ran right towards the mister. Doing only what he was taught by commercials for WWE wrestling shows trained to do, Husband ran right towards this guy and laid.him.out. with a freaking sweet clothesline. I hear his technique was that of a Roman God or some random man in a mask and leather pants. It was all he talked about to everyone he knew for days which meant I heard the story multiple times every day. He is still so very proud of his clothesline that took a guy clear off his feet.
The next story will be short as well, in case any unwanted eyes gaze upon this place and recognize exactly who I’m referencing.
I used to have this friend, one night this friend and her husband had a party and the Mister was dispatched to answer a noise violation against said party. Mister had already decided he was just going to give them a warning and be on his happy little way; had the guy been a respectful, courteous citizen. Instead, in a drunken stupor or most likely he was just naturally that stupid he decided to be an ass and give the PD hell. Words were said, friend came out and freaked out then promptly ran back inside, and in the end this guy got of LUCKY and was sent back into his apartment to disband the party immediately instead of getting a new sparkly set of bracelets and a nights’ stay in less than comfortable accomodations. [Let me pause for a minute to say, yes the guy should have been arrested, but Husband was in a bad mood that night and feared his arrest of the guy would be for the P.O.P. offense aka “pissing off the police” so he let him go. He did not let him go because he was married to someone we knew.] I heard the entire ordeal the next day and gasped and laughed in disbelief about their actions/attitude. Just for giggles, I checked my Facebook account and BAM homegirl deleted me as a friend

they got off amazingly well for their offenses and she still deleted me as a friend. For.freaking.cereal. It makes me laugh. I hope to see her one day and just smile and wave so she feels just slightly uncomfortable for her being such a bitch and her husband being such a douchebag. I hope they feel like asses LOLz.

Lastly is a most hysterical story starring yours truly. The awesomeness only happened yesterday so its still “fresh”

We were at the gun range yesterday with one of the other officers zeroing rifles and practicing our kill shots

Let me preface this story by telling you I have a very high allergy to mosquito bites. They swell up bigger than a quarter, sometimes as wide as a ping pong ball. Its not too bad, unless I get bit on my head and then it looks like I should wear a helmet at all times to not hurt myself. I’ve never been stung by anything of the insect persuasion, but I’d like to not experience that incase I’m allergic to them as well.

So we were out at the range, which is out in the open, one with nature. Hot, 100*, cloudless, windless, Texas summer nature. There are yellow jackets and hornets flying all.over.the.place. Well I guess I was smelling particularly pretty because one picked up on me and started flying towards me. I.FREAK.OUT. and start sprinting and screaming. Husband and Buddy look up and ask what I’m doing. I shouted the first thing that came to mind.

I’M RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE PATTERN. SERPENTINE PATTERN!!!

It gets better.

I wasn’t running in a serpentine pattern, I was running in a circle. I finally got away from the flying death trap or it decided it didn’t want to mess with crazy. I did it ONE MORE TIME after that while we were walking to the car. Again, I started screaming “serpentine pattern”, but this time I didn’t run in a circle, I ran like a drunk with a broken compass. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on running in a serpentine pattern, while yelling serpentin pattern, and running because something is chasing you? Its hard. Real hard.

Cop Stories

Come one, come all! Gather in my tent made of chairs, blankets and pillows and let me tell you just a select few of my favorite stories that have either happened to me during ride alongs or the husband while firing guns in the air and screaming AHHHHHHHHH bettering the community by enforcing the law.

The first story takes place during Christmas time last year. On a Special Assignment night, the company was taken off the street [don’t worry, there were other companies still on the street] and into the mall [undercover in civi clothes] to be on the lookout for theives. Most of the officers looked inconspicuous. Poor Ms Sunshine had naturally bright red hair so she stuck out and was always noticeable, but the worst had to have been Husband showing his college football pride in a BRIGHT.RED. Texas Tech hat

That red is not near as vibrant as his hat was or my sweatshirt I’m currently wearing right now. Yes I wear sweatshirts in Texas. In the Summer. When the highs are 100. The house at 74 is cold. Bite me. 🙂

Carrying on [this story is getting long],I happened to be working at the store at the time so I was more than happy when they’d randomly come into the store to buy candy. The Mister came in a few times all excited that he was tailing a guy who looked suspicious and he’d be right back. Honest to his word he came scampering back a little bit later. He’s really hot on his tail. Just waiting for him to miss a step. Now they were headed to Best Buy. I loved the play-by-play. It was cute lol. So about thirty minutes later Mister Officer comes back with a hitch in his giddy up. Did he catch the guy? No. That guy left. He noticed some strange guy in a BRIGHT RED HAT following him and decided to leave. The Mr didn’t catch anyone else that night, but he learned a lesson, maybe he shouldn’t stand out so much even if he’s a fan of the best team in the Big 12.

I’ll make the next story much shorter and much better because its about me. On my last ride along [I have a bit of an addiction] An old drunk man was being placed in the back of the patrol car. He was escorted by the passenger side of the car where yours truly was innocently sitting. When he saw me he said “Well hey cutie” Of course I was flattered that a drunk guy thought I was good looking. I ignored him with the overwhelming fear that talking to suspects is wrong and I did not want to end up on the wrong side of a police cruiser. While Ms Sunshine was still outside, the passenger and I were both in the vehicle [yes separated by a cage. I sit in front, duh] he asked me what my name was. Like I said, I had a fear of talking to suspects so I just kept my mouth shut. Later on that night, I learn that “friendly” converstation is not going to put me behind bars and that I should have told him. Oh yes, of course I want them to know my name. From now on however, I plan to devulge interesting tidbits about my multiple personalities. You can now get my attention by calling me the following [but not limited to]: P. Diddy, Janet Reno, Kid Rock, Wanda Sykes, Eric Cartman, and Haley Joel Osment. Feel free to look me up 😉

Ok, I have two more to add, but I should have been asleep one hour and twenty-three minutes ago in order to get used to my new school schedule before school starts and I’m late every.single.day.

I’ll add a couple more later!

OMGosh!!!

I should read my blogs more often. Mrs. HF (or HotFuzz) from a police wife just passed this on to me!!!

Imagine my surprise when I saw my name there! Ha! So now I’m apparently supposed to think of 10 things about me

1. I hate required reading. I’ve never read anything a teacher required, and I don’t use SparkNotes. All the information I get is from taking notes about it during class. Its worked so far, lets hope it still works for the next couple of years.

2. I am a huge klutz. Years ago, when we were taking senior cheerleading pictures we were all in a huge tree. Out of 7 girls, I was the only one who instead of climbing down, decided it would be better to slide down. My leg was all torn up, the photographer actually had to airbrush almost my entire leg in the pictures.

3. I am a natural entertainer. I love getting laughs and smiles out of people and since I have no shame, I’ll do anything to get a laugh.

4. Out of 8 cousins on my mom’s side, I am the only one with brown eyes.

5. I am somewhat ambidextrious. I taught myself how to write with my right hand when I was still in elementary school. Its legible, and if my left hand isn’t available, I’ll write with my right hand. I’ve even changed hands while taking notes in class after leftie got tired.

6. I work at a candy store, but I love cookies more. Last year I actually bought 6 boxes of thin mints from a customer. It felt so forbidden to buy cookies while working in a candy store, like I was buying drugs from a dealer. I hid the cookies in an unmarked, white bag in the storage room until I went home.

7. When I was 7 or 8 I swallowed a quarter. It was really painful and got stuck in my throat. I was afraid of getting in trouble with my parents so I told them it was a chip that got stuck. After I got home from softball practice, they gave me bread with peanut butter (and requested sprinkles) in the hopes to get the “chip” dislodged. It didn’t work. I don’t remember when, but it finally went down and stopped hurting.

8. I am a terrible swimmer. I never picked up the skill and all I can do is a rough looking doggie paddle to stay afloat. I love going to the beach, lakes and pools though. Hopefully I won’t die.

9. I cannot function if there is something on the TV I don’t like. Even if I’m cleaning, doing homework, whatever it is, I will stop what I’m doing to change the channel to something I want on the TV and go back to whatever I was doing and not paying attention to whats on the screen.

10. I also suck at riding bikes. When I was still learning I ran into a parked car, a mailbox and fell into a bush [all different attempts]. Later in my early 20s Husband and I were riding at night. I didn’t see a vine hanging off a fence. It pulled me off the bike by my face. That is the last time I’ve ridden a bike.

Now… I pass this on to:

1. Mrs.Slick
2. Mrs.Rotty
3. Not Super…Just Mom (who is super in my eyes)
4. LeapingSulfa
and my newest followers! So I can get to know y’all better!
5. Ammo in the Dryer
6. KSLEOGF

UpDaTe!!!

Doesn’t that random capitalization make you want to smash your head against a wall? It does for me.

Holy cow I’ve been gone for a while, but for good reason!!! I’ve been getting school taken care of and squared away. I start in a week and a half. I’m so excited. My fear of getting lost in the maze of buildings have ceased thanks to CoCo’s awesome ring compass she gave me
It doesn’t actually work, but it does ward of evil demons it gives me the courage of Indiana Jones!
Actually, on a boring rainy day, I went up to the school and used the map in the back of the catalogue book to barely make my way around campus. The good news is 3 of my 5 classes are all in the same building so I can’t repeatedly get lost [or one would hope…]
OCD cat has come back in full force

take a look at my handmade, color coded schedule

Do you see those top classes, the orange and yellow? Guess what time they start at

8 in the morning!

ugh. Again.