A PSA For My Sanity

Okay peeps, lets gather around the campfire real quick for an important PSA before the holidays steal our lunch money sneak up on us any faster. There are a few tips I’d like to pass down to you from someone who stands fearless on the frontlines. You may want to take notes, there will be a pop-quiz after I’m done.

I am a naturally happy person, its terrifying to be this naturally happy but I do my best. As I walked skipped into my retail place of business today to begin my shift I was happy. As soon as I got through the doors though my skip turned more into a bad impression of a gangster walk as I looked around the store. The.place.was.a.mess. It was ridonk, for real. We’re not talking about a teeny mess, we’re talking the surrounding area had been quarantined off from the public and our store had been declared a national disaster before my shift even started. I am not even kidding you, transitioning from big boy to baby boy I seriously almost had a mental breakdown [thanks OCD!] and ran away to get a new hairstyle

So hear is my plea to all of you consumers out there PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HAVE SOME MANNERS. If you change your mind about something, please don’t take it clear across the store and leave a baby girl pair of pants in big boy. I assure you a 12 month sized pair of glitter jeans will not be on your 10 year old son’s Christmas list this year. TRUST ME. Even if you’re too lazy busy to put the item back, at least bring it to us at the counter, it is a lot less frustrating for us to put them in the correct area than playing Where’s Waldo with our clothing.

Also, if you pick something up to look at it, at least attempt to fold it back. I know some of those folds are smarter than the average bear but I have faith that you can at least get close. Your attempt will always be better than crumpling it up on the side of the nicely clean, folded, stack of shirts you pulled it from [please don’t blame it on your children, some of you are sans the little buggers and still do this]. Added into this category is letting your terroristic sweet little child run rampant through our store pulling out everything that catches their eye to show to you. WATCH YOUR FREAKING KIDS. I don’t know about you, but my parents always made sure I was right there with them when shopping. A woman actually let her four kids run around our store like chickens with their heads cut off throwing stuff on the floor, ruining anything and everything they could get their hands on and all the while she calmly ignored them walked around the store shopping. Ma’am I don’t know if you know this or not, but our clothes actually like it better without your kids’ H1N1 infected hands all over them, lets not cause a plague now.

After I gained my consciousness composure from my slight freak out, I went straight to work and it took me three and a half hours, add another half hour for the dressing room. It felt sisyphean [Thanks Clash of the God’s for today’s word. I’ve been waiting to use it!] especially because even though we had minimal customers they all seemed to think that the store was theirs to trash. I don’t think I would have kept a good mental balance without the continuous singing motivational support from awesome folks like Hanson, Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

It is really sad the lack of manners in people, on a certain message board the following words are laughable, but I totally feel sorry for these people’s kids. Lord knows they aren’t learning manners by their parents, who are they going to learn from? Or have manners become extinct like Walkman cassette players and Original Pong? A tragic day indeed. So unless you want to hear about a disgruntled employee suddenly going maniacle on a busy weekend in a children’s store, try and clean up after yourself a bit.

Next on the chopping block ties into watching your children in public places. If your child is not responding to your authoritative statments, do not threaten them with going home or going to the car, or no candy/toys/etc unless you seriously plan to carry out such threats. This isn’t just a lesson for parents though, this is a lesson to all people in all walks of life ::cough cough OBAMA cough cough North Korea firing missles cough cough:: Let me see if I could make this simpler for everyone; put up or shut up, sh!t or get off the pot, put your money where your mouth is. If my required History classes have taught me anything, it is if you threaten someone but don’t follow through said threatenee tends to not respect you/listen to you/fear your future threats. And in the long run, whether we’re talking about children or communistic countries, we don’t want that to happen do we? Don’t let this happen to your child.

Oh and to try and prevent retailiation from angry parents, I know I don’t have children so I don’t know what you’re going through when trying to shop with a little one, but I also know when I do have mini-me’s, they will have manners. It may happen once, but I assure you it will never happen again. Now go ahead and laugh at me because I have no idea what I’m in for. I can take it.

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